Waiting.

Have you ever been in a place where you are waiting?

When I was in headstand today, the teacher instructed us to hold the pose for two minutes. I thought to myself, this could be an exercise in waiting and this can be a free time for exploring how to wait in a more yogic way.

Two minutes is not impossible for me, in fact it isn’t really difficult but what to do with my mind is a variable. Sometimes I focus on alignment, scanning my body here and there. I improve the shape of the pose to bring ease and steadiness.

After a while though this exercise seems vain, an infinite primping, firming, softening that keeps me from moving deeper within. Sometimes I go to the breath, in headstand I also find it easy to elongate the breath and stretch it out so time kind of stretches. 3 breaths in a minute, sometimes two but today that inquiry also felt a bit like waiting, stalling. Like I was occupying my mind until the teacher let us down.

Sometimes I watch my thoughts, notice how some of the stuff of last nights dreams are still hanging around, how this mornings conversations are coloring my mind, and how thinking happens despite my efforts to retrain the mind and be fresh awake and alert.

Turn your attention to God, my teacher once said, every chance you get…oh yeah, that. What is that? How do I do that… Ding pose over, please find child’s pose.

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